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An unwelcome sense of Guilt

by Francis

Since as long as I can remember I have harboured a guilt. A guilt that by its very nature I have had to keep very private indeed. I felt guilty and almost ashamed that this feeling, which is as much a part of me as the hair on my head or the colour of my eyes was almost to be treated like a cancer - something that shouldn't be there, but something that wouldn't go away. What was this terrible guilt? It was, as you've probably guessed, that I find amputee women extrememly attractive and desirable. Their misfortune at being without a limb, or limbs, only enhances their attractiveness to me. I should add at this point that regrettably, I have, to date, not had any form of relationship with an amputee, but if I should be lucky enough to meet an amputee socially all the normal rules of relationship-building would have to be present, the twinkle in the eye, the ease of conversation with each other,the feeling of wanting to be together with each other. The lack of a limb would be a physical feature which attracts me in same way as dark hair, blue eyes, or big bums do. So why the feeling of guilt? I know I can offer lots of love and affection to the right person, and hopefully would make her feel a more complete person than her fully-limbed contemporaries. I suppose the feeling of guilt is that the immutable desire within me is present in only a tiny percentage of the population, and with most minorities, they tend to be stigmatised and discriminated against. I am also sure that, to the uninformed, my feelings would at worst be regard as perverted and weird, and at best others would think that I was friendly with an amputee out of pity. Let it be said at this point that pity never entered my my thoughts. My relationships are built on a mutual wanting and equal sharing where pity has no place.

I now realise, however, since learning of OverGround that years of guilt need never have happened. There are other people, both male and female, who have similar feelings to mine, and when I spoke with Margaret, for the first time in my life it was as though a weight was lifted from my shoulders. Here I was, having a perfectly civilized conversation with a hitherto-unknown person, talking quite openly and freely for the first time in 43 years about what I had always regarded as a taboo subject.

Things won't change overnight, but I already sense that it will not be too far in the future, with the help of OverGround I will be able to stand up, and look the world in the eye and say 'Yes, I am a devotee', and not to feel guilt anymore.

As a final thought, maybe through this marvellous organisation, just maybe, one day I might meet the girl of my dreams.

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